Grandmother Day

Last week I flew back to Washington to be with my grandmother who had fallen ill just after our visit in November.  As her condition worsened I knew it was time for me to see her and to say goodbye.  I left Paolo, Gio and Enzo back to battle an enormous snow storm and was able to spend many days next to Grandmother's bedside.  She passed away peacefully in her sleep on Tuesday morning, January 24th, at the age of 94.
Below are some images over the last few years during our visits back to Washington.  She was a truly wonderful grandmother and friend to me.  I will miss her terribly.  I am so glad that she and Giovanni were able to spend three special years together.  Rest in Peace, Bisnonna.  We love you dearly.

This was the first day Grandmother met Giovanni.  We were visiting from India.  Gio was 6 months old and 25 pounds.

I remember that she began giggling when I first placed Gio in her lap.  

Gio's enormous size was not really obvious until you saw him in person!

What was remarkable to me about this day was that Gio had never liked strangers to hold him.  Even though he had never met his bisnonna, he was instantly comfortable and happy in her arms.

I think he could have sat here all day.  

This was just after we moved back to DC.  We celebrated Gio's 1st birthday at Grandmother's.  

Gio was just learning to stand and Grandmother's walker was a huge help.

I love this "angry Italian" expression!

Oops.  Sorry.  Pictures out of sequence.  Here we are back in June of 2008.  Gio 6 months old.

Grandmother always had a little something in her purse to keep Gio happy.  Her measuring spoons were always a big hit.  

This is my favorite MLBD-Gio photo.  I love how comfortable they both seem together.

These were taking in March of 2010. Gio was just beginning to walk (he took his first steps at Grand Oaks!).
Here they are leaving the dining room with their walkers.

This procession out of the dining room always drew a crowd. 

This is the last picture I have of Gio & Bisnonna.  November, 2010. 

Below is what my mother wrote for her service today...

We have begun to receive thoughtful warm notes of condolence from our Mother’s friends.  One said ‘I loved her shrewd common sense approach, her wide interest in so many things and her wicked wit.  That grin and twinkle in her eye will stay with me always’.

And from a woman who acted as her advocate at the bank ‘I really enjoyed working with Mary Louise…well it wasn’t really like working.  She asked for so little, I often wondered what more I could do for her.  Work was always mixed with stories and laughs.  Some afternoons I would just call to ‘check in’ and I would get the latest scoop on what was happening with friends or with her crazy computer, or most often what was happening with her family.   Talking about her family was when she really sparkled’.

I found Mother’s voice talking about that family when I discovered a draft of a Christmas letter composed with her granddaughter Serena a year ago but never sent. 

2010 was a very special year for me because my great-grandson, Giovanni Belli, spent most of it in Washington. He learned to walk on the carpeted floors of ‘Grand Oaks’, the assisted living facility that has now been my home for seven plus years.  Born in New Delhi he soon became a favorite of both the staff and residents here as he enjoyed Sunday brunch sitting in a high chair eating or toddling happily among the admirers.  Alas, in mid-November the Bellis moved to Kiev, Ukraine, for Paolo’s new assignment with the World Bank.

We were all saddened when Mom suddenly became ill and disappeared from the dining room at Grand Oaks.  Friends tried to reach out with phone calls and visits but she knew she wasn’t herself and wanted to be alone.  What is amazing to me is that this is the first major illness that I knew my mother to have and that I shared with her.

And from my perspective Mom was thoughtful to the very end.  When she and I went down the corridors from Grand Oaks to the ER at Sibley two months ago she looked up at me and said,  ‘I’m sorry, Jerry’.  Even as she fought the demons from the psychosis from the steroid treatment for her shingles she found her voice to comfort.  ‘Don’t cry, Jerry.  You are so wonderful to me’  or ‘This is the worst thing I have ever been through.  Do you really think I am getting better’?  When the atypical behavior disappeared she was too weak to recover.  But her smile returned and also the thoughtful responses.  ‘I love you…I’m so glad…good’.

And the care-givers here at Grand Oaks loved taking care of her.  They had known Mom for eight years as a smart, considerate but always independent resident.  She knew their names and always asked about their families. Once Mom had 24-hour care she had as many as 18 different care-givers with 8 hour shifts in a week.  I said to Brenda, the Care Coordinator, "Either no one wants to do this shift with Mom or everyone does".  Brenda smiled knowingly, "Everyone does".  It was a gift to our family that they were there to take care of her when she needed that care.  

In October our family joined together to give Mom a new computer.  Last Sunday our family was gathered in her room around that computer as her 3-year-old great-grandson Gio showed up on the screen from Kiev.  "Where is Bisnonna?"  His mother Clara told him, "She is here in bed.  She is very sick, honey."  I asked Mom if she had heard him.  She nodded and smiled.  We will all treasure that afternoon.

-Jerry Day Zurn, January 28, 2012