International Thumb-Sucking

I rarely write about parenting stuff, mostly because I make it up as I go along and feel nothing like an expert.  In fact, I stopped reading the parenting books a few months ago not out of over-confidence but simply because I was falling behind on my book club books and my PEOPLE magazines were piling up.  Priorities, priorities.

Anyway, I did want to write about thumb-sucking as it has been Gio's go-to comforting behavior since he was 6 months old.  So that means we are coming up on his 3 year anniversary of the habit! At exactly 6 months old he flatly refused his pacifier and discovered his (mostly right) thumb.  They have been close companions ever since.  Sleeping, new situations, any sort of movie, listening to books, first days of school...all necessitate the thumb.  I have never had a moment's hesitation about allowing him to do it and only intervene temporarily when I notice that his thumb is particularly dirty.  Once washed, back it goes.

What I have found interesting about the habit is the reaction of perfect strangers around the world.  These last 3 years have been spent mostly in 4 countries: India, US, Ukraine & Italy.  In both US and Italy I rarely hear any comments from strangers, though I do not notice much thumb-sucking in Italy (though I do see a lot of 3, 4 & even 5 year olds with pacifiers).  Giovanni's US dentist commented as soon as he met him (when Gio, of course, had his thumb in his mouth) that he has no concerns about the habit and never discourages it with his clients as he views it as an excellent self-soothing behavior.  He does not believe it can cause damage to the alignment of his permanent teeth.

It was in India where we received the most surprising reactions. Strangers would come up to us and physically yank Gio's thumb from his mouth even when he was sleeping in his stroller.  I understood the fear of germs there, and certainly it was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a clean place, but as a new mother I found this reaction troubling and always took it as a criticism of my parenting skills.  I did grow more and more used to the lack of personal space barriers in India and began to find it quite normal for strangers to touch Gio or even to pull him from his stroller to hold him.  Yes, this giant white baby was very popular with both Indian men and women who loved to pass him around and pinch his ample cheeks.  I began to see that they were not criticizing me for allowing him to suck his thumb but were, in fact, genuinely concerned for his health and were attempting to help me.  I miss this openness and am eager to take Giovanni back in a few years to his birthplace, thumb in mouth or not.

Here in Ukraine I never see children sucking their thumbs (pacifiers are common, though not to the extent of Italy).  No one pulls out Gio's thumb but I do get quite a few disapproving looks from babuskas.  I am not sure whether my thicker skin has come from 3 years of being a parent or from being overseas for more than 4, but I no longer take the disapproval to heart.  I am happy Gio's thumb continues to bring him comfort and prevents meltdowns that I might otherwise have to sooth with bribes, threats or removing him from situations that I know he can handle with just a bit more time.  I am proud of him for finding a way to deal with the stresses of being the youngest in his school, an only child with no older siblings to lead the way and living in places where he does not often understand the languages around him.  He may be wearing clothes for 6-year-olds but that thumb reminds me that he is still very new to this big, overwhelming world.

Trying them all out to see which will win...

Still preferring the entire fist...

Got it!  First documented photo of actual thumb sucking. 

He soon began combining the thumb with holding a stuffed animal. 

At first it was a panda...

...then a real animal worked fine....

...then a kangaroo....

...and life changed completely when "Big Tom" came into his life....

A perfect end to a meal of prunes...

You might recognize this one from the blog home page!

Not so sure about an outfit choice? The thumb will calm you down.  

Halloween can be scary...

...as can airline travel.

Books are better when your thumb is there with you.

This one is from today.  The hair stylist was amused when Gio made a  supreme effort to worm his arm out of the apron so that he could get his thumb in place.  She could not figure out what he was trying to do at first.  He took a break from the effort here to get in a few minutes of sucking but eventually was able to free his entire arm.  She played along when she realized the thumb was going to allow her to get a good haircut done!